'Tis the season...for fake cream cheese?

I'm lactose intolerant, a fact that my mind chooses to ignore most of the time. My body, on the other hand, will only take so much before it reminds me. So sometimes I try alternatives to milk, like yogurt in my cereal because the cultures take care of the lactose, or non-dairy alternatives.

I love cream cheese, perhaps beyond reason. To me, a bagel is an excuse for cream cheese. I have sometimes eaten it by spoonfuls. Of course, this isn't such a good idea for me.

Recently, I was at The Living Earth, my local natural foods store, and saw two varieties of vegan cream cheese alternative. Despite being $4 per 8 ounce tub, I decided to pick up one tub of each and do an informal taste test.

First, I tried Tofutti's "Better Than Cream Cheese", which contains no hydrogenated oils, and is certified as Kosher Pareve. (Tofutti was founded by a Kosher restaurateur who invented a soy-based ice cream alternative, and it's expanded from there.) None of the listed ingredients were organic.
It tasted like real cream cheese, but not quite. It was bland, but would have been better with a little seasoning. If I were to get it again, I'd probably add some parsley.

The label on Vegan Gourmet's "Cream Cheese Alternative" proclaims many things. "Gluten Free", "No Trans Fat", "No Hydrogenated Fat", "No Preservatives or GMOs", "Made with solar power", "76% Organic", and it's Kosher Pareve. So, apparently, it's good for the environment, your body, and (if you're Jewish) your soul.
Despite its expiration date being nearly two months away, it tasted like it had "turned". If real cream cheese tasted like that, it would be time to throw it out. Although I won't be buying it again, I'll probably finish up the tub, because I hate wasting food. Additional toppings can cover the less pleasant aspects of the faux cream cheese's flavor. (Which is why I put clover sprouts on my Christmas Eve morning banana bread. It was strange, but awesome.)

Merry Christmas!